Everybody get your groans out. That's right, we're talking about it too. The feminist blogosphere just can't help it, and I also tried to avoid it as long as I possibly could. But I can't. So take a deep breath and get ready to hear more about the supposedly controversial EL James bestselling series, because this kinky bitch is weighing in.
The mainstream feminist reader will likely think a lot of things while trudging her way through what's really nothing more than good old fashioned erotica. But my entire reading experience was shaped by one recurring thought: If my mother reads this, she'll kill me.
Why? Let me explain.
Very few of us who practice BDSM are "out" to their parents about it, but my mother and I are close. There's not a whole lot I don't share with her, and even though the thought of her only daughter playing sub to some white guy offended her Black Feminist ideology, after talking through it she came to better understand what BDSM was really about: people getting what they want. She remains skeptical, and why wouldn't she; I often wonder myself if my desire to play sub in the bedroom is the response to a culture that wants to push me back to the days where I would have been a literal slave. This is a good time to mention that I don't believe there's nearly enough feminist critique of kink that adequately addresses the intersectionality of race and ethnicity, but that's another conversation that I'm sure we'll be having here at OMG Ladyparts! real soon.
But back to me and my mum. At the end of the day I'm the same badass lady I've always been. I don't take shit from people, especially those who seek to put me down because of my race and gender. I'm your stereotypical Empowered Black Woman, and I don't let many people forget it. What I do in the bedroom may be a direct reflection of that, or it may have nothing to do with it at all. Either way it's consensual and enjoyable, and therefore empowering to me and everyone involved.
Unfortunately, 50 Shades paints a completely different picture of the female sub. So much so that when my mum mentioned it, I freaked. I imagined her reading the plight of Ana the Wide-Eyed Virgin, taken in by an older man and essentially forced into some BDSM practices without knowing what she was doing or what it all meant, essentially nullifying the many conversations Mum and I had had on the subject of what I do in the bedroom. All the work I'd put in to convincing her I'm not just rolling over and taking it for the sake of some guy's fantasies of dominating a Black woman, shot. Panic!
So anyway, I was at Mum's place for lunch one day recently and she asked what I thought about 50 Shades. Nothing new, we've been having conversations about pop culture and feminism since I was a girl. She looked at me with one eyebrow raised as I said simply, "Oh you mean that garbage about the girl who doesn't know what she's doing?" We shared a laugh. And that was that.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Ask Anything: Introductions
Dear Ladyparts Readers,
Hello there! My name is Everyone's Yvonne, and I was recruited to JANAH's lovely brainchild to write the Ask Anything column.
A little about me. I am a certified birth doula and a trained full-spectrum doula, meaning I support anyone through any pregnancy outcome. I will be taking the IBLCE exam this summer, after which point I will hopefully be a board-certified lactation consultant as well!
But don't let that scare you. I can answer more than just pregnancy/breastfeeding questions. I've been called a "relationship doula" by more than one friend, and I have experience in sexual health education even though I don't have a fancy certification to go with it. I'm also very well-connected in this field... in other words, if there's a question I can't answer, I probably know someone I can.
Before we begin, I want to lay down some ground rules, mostly for me so you all know what you can expect from me:
e.y.
Hello there! My name is Everyone's Yvonne, and I was recruited to JANAH's lovely brainchild to write the Ask Anything column.
A little about me. I am a certified birth doula and a trained full-spectrum doula, meaning I support anyone through any pregnancy outcome. I will be taking the IBLCE exam this summer, after which point I will hopefully be a board-certified lactation consultant as well!
But don't let that scare you. I can answer more than just pregnancy/breastfeeding questions. I've been called a "relationship doula" by more than one friend, and I have experience in sexual health education even though I don't have a fancy certification to go with it. I'm also very well-connected in this field... in other words, if there's a question I can't answer, I probably know someone I can.
Before we begin, I want to lay down some ground rules, mostly for me so you all know what you can expect from me:
- I will answer every question in a completely honest and non-judgmental manner. Okay, this is OMG Ladyparts!, so I may venture a giggle if your question is really funny. But I will laugh respectively. I grew up sneaking downstairs to watch "Love Line" on MTV and was always put off by the way the hosts treated the callers. I strive to be less Dr. Drew and more Sue Johanson.
- As I previously stated, I do not have a fancy-schmancy credential that makes me supposedly "qualified" to answer questions about sex, relationships, pregnancy, other issues. That being said, I do have a load of experience giving what has been described as "solid, unbiased advice," and unlike the majority of the world (it seems), I know how to tell the difference between good research and bad research. Every question will be thoroughly researched, citations and/or links to additional resources included.
- Your question will be copy/pasted as written in your submission. I will not copy email addresses, user names, etc. We probably won't even know your username unless you include it in your form response.
- If this column becomes really popular, I will not complain. But I might take a minute to get your answer. Don't panic.
e.y.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Get yer freak on. Doula's orders.
The first thing people do when they find out you're a doula (other than asking what the hell that is) is tell you their birth stories. Which I love, but they very often end with, "So then I had a c-section, and did I really need one?" Um, I dunno. I wasn't there, and if I was, I wouldn't exactly have the authority to say.
The second thing people do is ask about some old wives' tales surrounding birth. The favorite of mine is always, "Is it true that having sex can bring on labor?" And let me tell you, the answer is yes.
But why?
Oxytocin, the so-called "love hormone," is at least partly responsible for three distinct physiological events in a woman's reproductive cycle: orgasm, labor, and breastfeeding. As a sex-positive doula and lactation educator, you might say that oxytocin is my homegirl.
The female orgasm was once thought of as relatively inconsequential to the reproductive process. In fact, some fertility specialists have even suggested that orgasm "dilutes" a woman's chance of becoming pregnant. (I call bullshit. Also sexism. But that's another post.) Au contraire, says a bulk of new-ish research that essentially reaffirms what lay-health workers have been saying for years: orgasm increases your chances of conception. See, when a woman orgasms, her body releases even more vaginal secretion than she does when simply "aroused," helping to lubricate the sperm's path to the egg. Additionally, the oxytocin released via orgasm contracts the uterus, lowering the cervix (the "neck" of the uterus) and making the uterus more accepting of a fertilized egg (ever wonder what that tight feeling in your lower abdomen was?).
So oxytocin contracts the uterus. Hence labor. But the wonder-hormone's job isn't over when the placenta is delivered. Oxytocin is also responsible for the milk "letting down" during breastfeeding. See, when a woman first lays eyes on her baby, she's essentially OD'ing on oxytocin, as is baby. That's the love hormone doing its job. Baby will hopefully find her/his way to a nipple and begin suckling. When the nipples are stimulated, oxytocin is released from the posterior pituitary gland, contracting the tiny myoepithelial cells inside the milk ducts, forcing milk out of the breast and into baby's mouth. That oxytocin release is still doing it's job "down there," helping mama's uterus to clamp down post-delivery, thus reducing risk of excessive postpartum bleeding.
I mention the connection to breastfeeding because oxytocin is also released with nipple stimulation. Women who are into nipple stimulation during sex may enjoy it for a number of reasons, but physiologically it's because that burst of oxytocin contracts the uterus (which essentially puts interior pressure on the clitoris and, well, you get it). In other words, if you're into nip-stim, include that in your labor-inducing sex practice. Otherwise you can just turn on your breast pump when you're finished doin' the deed, and you will probably get a lot of the same benefits.
If a woman is having sex with a man, his stuff may play a labor-inducing role as well. Semen contains prostaglandins, autocrine hormones that help to soften ("ripen") the cervix. A softer cervix makes the fertilization/implantation process more likely, but these hormones work the same when a woman is already pregnant. The low dose of prostaglandins in semen alone aren't likely to induce labor in a woman who's not yet term (which is why care providers don't warn against sex during pregnancy unless a woman is at risk for preterm labor), but the mild softening in a term mama might just be enough to tip her into labor mode. As an added bonus, if he's, let's say, "gifted," his penis hitting against the cervix may indeed induce some mild (but not earth-shattering) uterine contractions.
Captain Obvious moment: I generally don't recommend the prostaglandin method if a mama is in a relationship where she's at risk for a sexually transmitted infection. The last thing she needs is to be infected with an STI right before a baby comes squeezing through her vagina! If infection is an issue, sex with a condom still contains the benefits of oxytocin and cervical pressure. Masturbation is a safe and effective alternative for women who don't have a partner (or just simply don't want to engage in partner sex). Again, oxytocin is stronger than prostaglandins... go team vag!
So yes, good sex can in fact induce labor. In other words, if you're trying to get labor started, just get yer freak on. Doula's orders.
The second thing people do is ask about some old wives' tales surrounding birth. The favorite of mine is always, "Is it true that having sex can bring on labor?" And let me tell you, the answer is yes.
But why?
Oxytocin, the so-called "love hormone," is at least partly responsible for three distinct physiological events in a woman's reproductive cycle: orgasm, labor, and breastfeeding. As a sex-positive doula and lactation educator, you might say that oxytocin is my homegirl.
The female orgasm was once thought of as relatively inconsequential to the reproductive process. In fact, some fertility specialists have even suggested that orgasm "dilutes" a woman's chance of becoming pregnant. (I call bullshit. Also sexism. But that's another post.) Au contraire, says a bulk of new-ish research that essentially reaffirms what lay-health workers have been saying for years: orgasm increases your chances of conception. See, when a woman orgasms, her body releases even more vaginal secretion than she does when simply "aroused," helping to lubricate the sperm's path to the egg. Additionally, the oxytocin released via orgasm contracts the uterus, lowering the cervix (the "neck" of the uterus) and making the uterus more accepting of a fertilized egg (ever wonder what that tight feeling in your lower abdomen was?).
 | |
| Sidebar: Oxytocin is also associated with trust, which helps explain why women who have good relationships with their care providers tend to have smoother labors. |
I mention the connection to breastfeeding because oxytocin is also released with nipple stimulation. Women who are into nipple stimulation during sex may enjoy it for a number of reasons, but physiologically it's because that burst of oxytocin contracts the uterus (which essentially puts interior pressure on the clitoris and, well, you get it). In other words, if you're into nip-stim, include that in your labor-inducing sex practice. Otherwise you can just turn on your breast pump when you're finished doin' the deed, and you will probably get a lot of the same benefits.
If a woman is having sex with a man, his stuff may play a labor-inducing role as well. Semen contains prostaglandins, autocrine hormones that help to soften ("ripen") the cervix. A softer cervix makes the fertilization/implantation process more likely, but these hormones work the same when a woman is already pregnant. The low dose of prostaglandins in semen alone aren't likely to induce labor in a woman who's not yet term (which is why care providers don't warn against sex during pregnancy unless a woman is at risk for preterm labor), but the mild softening in a term mama might just be enough to tip her into labor mode. As an added bonus, if he's, let's say, "gifted," his penis hitting against the cervix may indeed induce some mild (but not earth-shattering) uterine contractions.
Captain Obvious moment: I generally don't recommend the prostaglandin method if a mama is in a relationship where she's at risk for a sexually transmitted infection. The last thing she needs is to be infected with an STI right before a baby comes squeezing through her vagina! If infection is an issue, sex with a condom still contains the benefits of oxytocin and cervical pressure. Masturbation is a safe and effective alternative for women who don't have a partner (or just simply don't want to engage in partner sex). Again, oxytocin is stronger than prostaglandins... go team vag!
So yes, good sex can in fact induce labor. In other words, if you're trying to get labor started, just get yer freak on. Doula's orders.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Raising My Gender-Aware Offspring
My baby boy is all grown up. Or really, he just graduated from pre-school. But between playing proud momma and getting him ready for kindergarten, I'm thinking about what the big bad world will do to my sweet little boy.
When my little guy was first born I had beautiful visions of raising him 'gender-neutral'. After all, it was just me and him. There was no daddy in the picture to taint my efforts, and my crew of feminist friends were behind me 110%. I bought cute little 'boyish' outfits as well as some that were more 'girly'. He wore yellow, green, purple, black, pretty much anything that was cute and fun. He played with the kinds of toys that most small ones play with.
Then he started preschool and things started to change. I'll never forget the day he had a friend over who told him that some of his toys were for girls. These children were three years old and already ideas about gender were being spread between them. I could have played Bad Momma and not let him play with that friend anymore, but there was really no point. And that would have been an awful thing to do. But it was getting worse. Suddenly he had nothing to do with his purple shirt with the adorable ice cream scoops on it because, he said, purple is for girls. The things he would pick out at the store were ever more boyish.
Prior to this his best friend had been a girl, the daughter of a feminist friend of mine who had been pregnant at the same time as me. I reminisced about the days when I controlled who my son's friends were and who I allowed him to socialize with. Only after verbalizing my anxiety did a dear close friend - a veteran mother of three - set me straight.
"Girl, do you really think you're helping him by trying to control every aspect of his life?" she said. And she was right! I'd been so focused on raising a 'gender-neutral' child that I hadn't even thought of the social alienation I would cause by trying to keep him out of the big bad sexist world. Dare I say, it was as bad as the fundamentalist Christians keeping their kids out of the school system for fear they would encounter Satan himself.
From then on I decided I would go with it. My son is a smart kid, after all. We started talking about gender instead of ignoring it. I would say things like, "There are a lot of silly people in this world who think that boys aren't supposed to play with dolls," and "Some people think that girls shouldn't play sports." Thankfully he thought this was ridiculous as well, and even though he continues to dress in ever more gendered garb, I know that this isn't the end of the world. I mean, I dressed up like a princess as a girl, and I turned out pretty well.
So my baby boy is off to public school in the fall, and I know I cannot keep him in a safe feminist vacuum forever. He won't be 'gender-neutral', because that's really not possible without restricting him from having the kind of childhood that will let him figure things out for himself. But I can rest easy knowing he'll be at the very least gender-AWARE. His claim that Rapunzel was 'silly' for not leaving the tower herself tells me that.
When my little guy was first born I had beautiful visions of raising him 'gender-neutral'. After all, it was just me and him. There was no daddy in the picture to taint my efforts, and my crew of feminist friends were behind me 110%. I bought cute little 'boyish' outfits as well as some that were more 'girly'. He wore yellow, green, purple, black, pretty much anything that was cute and fun. He played with the kinds of toys that most small ones play with.
Then he started preschool and things started to change. I'll never forget the day he had a friend over who told him that some of his toys were for girls. These children were three years old and already ideas about gender were being spread between them. I could have played Bad Momma and not let him play with that friend anymore, but there was really no point. And that would have been an awful thing to do. But it was getting worse. Suddenly he had nothing to do with his purple shirt with the adorable ice cream scoops on it because, he said, purple is for girls. The things he would pick out at the store were ever more boyish.
Prior to this his best friend had been a girl, the daughter of a feminist friend of mine who had been pregnant at the same time as me. I reminisced about the days when I controlled who my son's friends were and who I allowed him to socialize with. Only after verbalizing my anxiety did a dear close friend - a veteran mother of three - set me straight.
"Girl, do you really think you're helping him by trying to control every aspect of his life?" she said. And she was right! I'd been so focused on raising a 'gender-neutral' child that I hadn't even thought of the social alienation I would cause by trying to keep him out of the big bad sexist world. Dare I say, it was as bad as the fundamentalist Christians keeping their kids out of the school system for fear they would encounter Satan himself.
From then on I decided I would go with it. My son is a smart kid, after all. We started talking about gender instead of ignoring it. I would say things like, "There are a lot of silly people in this world who think that boys aren't supposed to play with dolls," and "Some people think that girls shouldn't play sports." Thankfully he thought this was ridiculous as well, and even though he continues to dress in ever more gendered garb, I know that this isn't the end of the world. I mean, I dressed up like a princess as a girl, and I turned out pretty well.
So my baby boy is off to public school in the fall, and I know I cannot keep him in a safe feminist vacuum forever. He won't be 'gender-neutral', because that's really not possible without restricting him from having the kind of childhood that will let him figure things out for himself. But I can rest easy knowing he'll be at the very least gender-AWARE. His claim that Rapunzel was 'silly' for not leaving the tower herself tells me that.
Monday, May 14, 2012
At Long Last... Say Hello to the Ladyparts Crew!
Two months since our official "launch" and we're extremely excited to start ranting and raving about all things ladyparts.
But first, let's meet our rad contributors! (And remember, we're still looking for more regulars.)
Name: JANAH, aka "The Mother of OMG, Ladyparts!"
Age: 31
Location: Atlanta, GA
Identity: Lady
Orientation: Greedy.
Occupation(s): Artist, high school art teacher, confidante to the masses
Bio: JANAH is the brains behind OMG, Ladyparts! She enjoys complex and sometimes contradictory conversations about the sexuality of women of color and intersectionality in general. Look for her under labels The Personal Is Political, A Day In The Life, and Doing Gender.
Name: Everyone's Yvonne, aka "The Next Sue Johanson"
Age: 28
Location: Greensboro, NC
Identity: Woman and don't you forget it.
Orientation: Pansexual
Occupation(s): Full-spectrum doula, health educator, soon-to-be lactation consultant
Bio: Everyone's Yvonne was recruited primarily to write the Ask Anything column, but she also enjoys a good rant about birth, breastfeeding, reproductive justice, and other fun stuff. Look for her under labels Ask Anything, Lady Business, Good Shit, and Recommended Reading.
Name: Momma Bec, aka "The One That Always Talks About Motherhood"
Age: 26
Location: Eugene, OR
Identity: Mother!
Orientation: Woefully heterosexual.
Occupation(s): Momma, mother, mommy, mom, and occasional HR consultant
Bio: Momma Bec is the mother of the world's best four year old. Her favorite topics are those that have to do with feminist parenting. Look for her under labels A Day In The Life, Body Stories, Doing Gender, and The Personal Is Political.
And now to the blogging!!!!!!!
But first, let's meet our rad contributors! (And remember, we're still looking for more regulars.)
Name: JANAH, aka "The Mother of OMG, Ladyparts!"
Age: 31
Location: Atlanta, GA
Identity: Lady
Orientation: Greedy.
Occupation(s): Artist, high school art teacher, confidante to the masses
Bio: JANAH is the brains behind OMG, Ladyparts! She enjoys complex and sometimes contradictory conversations about the sexuality of women of color and intersectionality in general. Look for her under labels The Personal Is Political, A Day In The Life, and Doing Gender.
Age: 28
Location: Greensboro, NC
Identity: Woman and don't you forget it.
Orientation: Pansexual
Occupation(s): Full-spectrum doula, health educator, soon-to-be lactation consultant
Bio: Everyone's Yvonne was recruited primarily to write the Ask Anything column, but she also enjoys a good rant about birth, breastfeeding, reproductive justice, and other fun stuff. Look for her under labels Ask Anything, Lady Business, Good Shit, and Recommended Reading.
Age: 26
Location: Eugene, OR
Identity: Mother!
Orientation: Woefully heterosexual.
Occupation(s): Momma, mother, mommy, mom, and occasional HR consultant
Bio: Momma Bec is the mother of the world's best four year old. Her favorite topics are those that have to do with feminist parenting. Look for her under labels A Day In The Life, Body Stories, Doing Gender, and The Personal Is Political.
And now to the blogging!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Call for Contributors!
Well hello y'all. Welcome to OMG, Ladyparts!
Yes, we "Let's Be All Sex Positive And Talk About Our Bodies" types are occupying even more space on the interwebz. Deal with it.
What we're envisioning, actually, is a space where the female-bodied, woman-identified, and genderqueer can spout off rants and raves about our everyday experiences inside our miraculous bodies.
First off, we want to make clear that we know the use of the word "ladyparts" is problematic in many ways, but after about two weeks of email deliberation (seriously, that shit was rough), we decided that the lighthearted feel we're going for here far outweighs the problematic language. Besides, nowhere are we saying that vag and boobs are the only things that count as "ladyparts," nor that everyone who identifies as a woman has them. If you are female-bodied, woman-identified, or genderqueer, we welcome you to contribute to our space. Hell, we'd even welcome pro-ladyparts submissions from some of our cisman allies.
While we're on the subject of contributors, hey we're looking for contributors! Janah, Mama Bec, and Everyone's Yvonne are all phenomenal people, but they're also all very busy winning at everything and just don't have time to be awesome on the internet every single day. We want to have a decent arsenal of regulars, but we also would gladly accept guest submissions. Here are the subjects we're aiming to have as regular blog topics:
Much love,
The Ladyparts Crew
Yes, we "Let's Be All Sex Positive And Talk About Our Bodies" types are occupying even more space on the interwebz. Deal with it.
What we're envisioning, actually, is a space where the female-bodied, woman-identified, and genderqueer can spout off rants and raves about our everyday experiences inside our miraculous bodies.
First off, we want to make clear that we know the use of the word "ladyparts" is problematic in many ways, but after about two weeks of email deliberation (seriously, that shit was rough), we decided that the lighthearted feel we're going for here far outweighs the problematic language. Besides, nowhere are we saying that vag and boobs are the only things that count as "ladyparts," nor that everyone who identifies as a woman has them. If you are female-bodied, woman-identified, or genderqueer, we welcome you to contribute to our space. Hell, we'd even welcome pro-ladyparts submissions from some of our cisman allies.
While we're on the subject of contributors, hey we're looking for contributors! Janah, Mama Bec, and Everyone's Yvonne are all phenomenal people, but they're also all very busy winning at everything and just don't have time to be awesome on the internet every single day. We want to have a decent arsenal of regulars, but we also would gladly accept guest submissions. Here are the subjects we're aiming to have as regular blog topics:
- Body Stories: Our bodies have stories, but we're so often taught to be ashamed of them instead of proudly touting the kinds of cool shit they're capable of. Contributions under this banner may include (but are not limited to) pieces about menstruation, tattoos/piercings, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, stretch marks, injuries, surgeries, transformations, etc. Pictures are welcome, but note the ground rule regarding "narrative vs. erotica" below.
- Doing Gender: Judith Butler famously said that gender is something you do, not something you are. And we wholeheartedly agree! These pieces will address questions such as, how do you "do gender" in your life? Does the expression of your gender identity "fit" with the traditional assumptions based on your biology? Do you intentionally or unintentionally break these molds? How does the way you present yourself impact the way you're seen in our gendered society?
- Lady Business: For pieces involving our work (either volunteer or for compensation) in reproductive health care, women's and LGBTQ advocacy, rape crisis, health education, etc. Just remember to maintain the confidentiality of the people you work with (duh).
- Good Shit: Basically reviews of stuff, good and bad... menstrual cups, sex toys, cloth pads, chest binders, nursing bras, um... pretty much anything like this.
- Recommended Reading: The same kind of feel as Good Shit, but perhaps more analysis. Can be books, blogs, articles, magazines, or anything else you read.
- The Personal is Political: Here's the category for submissions that address women and transfolk within the broader political climate. We encourage contributors to not just report on what's going on, but to provide analysis as well.
- A Day In The Life: This is the place for highly narrative submissions involving your day-to-day experiences. Topics may include relationships, sexual expression, parental anecdotes, or other relevant areas of your life.
- While we want the feel of the blog to be casual and lighthearted, please check your spelling and try your best to use decent grammar. We're not going to call the grammar police for things like comma splices, but write the way you'd write a letter, not a text message.
- Obviously, this space is to remain free of oppressive language. This includes but is not limited to language or ideas that are racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, or transphobic. Quippy profanity, on the other hand, is not only allowed but in some cases encouraged.
- You are free to use a partial name or alias. If you are submitting as a regular contributor and already have a Blogger account, your Blogger display name will link back to your profile and any other blogs you contribute to. If you do not want this, consider creating a more anonymous Google username. You are also welcome to submit as a guest; guest submissions will be posted under "Ladyparts Admin" but will declare your piece a guest post from [name you provide].
- All contributors have the option of linking out to other blogs they write for, projects they're working on, etc, within reason of course. Just don't try to sell anything here, seriously.
- Oh how we love discussion! We're leaving the comments section open, but moderated. That's mostly so people can't spam the hell out of us. Spirited debate is welcome, just don't be a jerk.
- As much as we love a good one-handed read, this is not intended to be a space for full-fledged erotica. We welcome narratives that include details about what you do in the bedroom, but we want to keep the conversation more about how your preferences shape you as a person and not about helping some random internet lurker get off.
- All contributors are expected to adhere to Blogger's content policy. Yup, more rules.
- The admins reserve the right to delete any submission that violates these terms. We also reserve the right to revoke submitting privileges completely if problems persist. That being said, we welcome feedback if you feel any of the above ground rules are unfair. Same goes for if you think someone else's submission crosses a line and it hasn't been removed.
Much love,
The Ladyparts Crew
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