Everybody get your groans out. That's right, we're talking about it too. The feminist blogosphere just can't help it, and I also tried to avoid it as long as I possibly could. But I can't. So take a deep breath and get ready to hear more about the supposedly controversial EL James bestselling series, because this kinky bitch is weighing in.
The mainstream feminist reader will likely think a lot of things while trudging her way through what's really nothing more than good old fashioned erotica. But my entire reading experience was shaped by one recurring thought: If my mother reads this, she'll kill me.
Why? Let me explain.
Very few of us who practice BDSM are "out" to their parents about it, but my mother and I are close. There's not a whole lot I don't share with her, and even though the thought of her only daughter playing sub to some white guy offended her Black Feminist ideology, after talking through it she came to better understand what BDSM was really about: people getting what they want. She remains skeptical, and why wouldn't she; I often wonder myself if my desire to play sub in the bedroom is the response to a culture that wants to push me back to the days where I would have been a literal slave. This is a good time to mention that I don't believe there's nearly enough feminist critique of kink that adequately addresses the intersectionality of race and ethnicity, but that's another conversation that I'm sure we'll be having here at OMG Ladyparts! real soon.
But back to me and my mum. At the end of the day I'm the same badass lady I've always been. I don't take shit from people, especially those who seek to put me down because of my race and gender. I'm your stereotypical Empowered Black Woman, and I don't let many people forget it. What I do in the bedroom may be a direct reflection of that, or it may have nothing to do with it at all. Either way it's consensual and enjoyable, and therefore empowering to me and everyone involved.
Unfortunately, 50 Shades paints a completely different picture of the female sub. So much so that when my mum mentioned it, I freaked. I imagined her reading the plight of Ana the Wide-Eyed Virgin, taken in by an older man and essentially forced into some BDSM practices without knowing what she was doing or what it all meant, essentially nullifying the many conversations Mum and I had had on the subject of what I do in the bedroom. All the work I'd put in to convincing her I'm not just rolling over and taking it for the sake of some guy's fantasies of dominating a Black woman, shot. Panic!
So anyway, I was at Mum's place for lunch one day recently and she asked what I thought about 50 Shades. Nothing new, we've been having conversations about pop culture and feminism since I was a girl. She looked at me with one eyebrow raised as I said simply, "Oh you mean that garbage about the girl who doesn't know what she's doing?" We shared a laugh. And that was that.
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